No rest for de' wicked

That's how an old Trinidadian saying goes. And if it holds any truth then I must be the devil-incarnate. I havent slept a nights sleep in about two weeks. I usually stay up until about 8 or 9 in the morning and then i get crazy narcoleptic sleepy. It's not cute at all. My sleep usually gets crazy fucked up when i am going through one of my worse bouts with depression. Other times i would sleep for 14-20 hours a day. When you can't feel the sun, why wakeup?...

haikuhaiku

the sum of my hands
has/will never be enough
for them. love hands still

work in progress 1

I am tired of painting
Dreaming
Wishing you easier than you
Are
I am failing at convincing myself
That you are good for me

I fancy you supportive
Predictable
Healthy
If only for my fantasies
Of normalcy
Shame lines this cord
(not under any tree)
Leading back to you
And all the things I work hard at
Ignoring in myself

My Lady Of Perpetual Sorrow…

I want to rescue you from your life
Change the details
Make the world kinder to dark-skinned
girlchild in 60's Trinidad
Give you room to fold

We might be singing different songs,
But this is the same voice

The unchanged smell of your hands
Demands that I remember: everything

A 261lb rant.

this is a fat girl rant.

If one more motherfucker tells me i "have a pretty face" I might smack somebody.

I don't have to tout national statistics about what percent of the U.S population is overweight or that the actual average women's dress size is a size 8/10 for you to know that the physical ideal that the "media" (I hate having to use words that remove personal accountability) presents is narrow (pun intended) and unrealistic.

This is nothing new.

But what has been really frustrating lately is realizing that so much of the "community", self-identifying "conscious" "feminist" lesbians (I use all these terms loosely), is still aligned with the patriarchal (what's a rant by leshaun without patriarchy in it somewhere) pathologization of women's bodies. It's time to truly de-colonize minds, completely.

I have a thing for cumbersome analogies so I'll try to illustrate why this shit bothers me so much. What If I only dated lighter-skinned people and went around saying "i gotta stay out of the sun. Can't get too black!".

Anyway, it's really late, and i'm very passionate about this subject because it affects me personally so i'm sure all of this obscenely incoherent.

riots not diets

Back In The City

So I've returned from a visit to the Zsak in Beantown and more specifically Boston College. Now we all know how much I love immersing myself in lily-white, jesuit, neo-conservative hot-beds of patriarchy, but i really stay for the blatant stares of under-fed white girls in overpriced clothes with too much eyeshadow on.

I'm going to spend the weekend with the fam. I'm kinda excited, kinda cautious, kinda happy to be going home. Will update you on how it goes.

In The Beginning...

Hello blog-folk! (blolk, if you will)

So I don't really do blogs. I read them; lots of them. I just don't think I have the commitment required to keep up with this sorta thing. But I NEED to write. I got some shit to say.


It's crazy late. I should be gettin' some ass instead of watchin' 25th Hour for the 25th time. Well at least I get to stare at Rosario Dawson for 90 minutes. Why isn't she gay?